Jokes can be used for a number of different reasons. It can be a fun way to start each day or week with your class. You can also designate a day as ‘joke day’. Each joke day you can use one of these student-friendly jokes and also open the class to see what jokes they might have. This is a great way to have a laugh and get the students in a happy and engaged mood.


What do you call a man who is floating in the ocean without any arms or legs?  Bob

Two parrots are on a PERCH; one says, “Can you smell something fishy?”

At school I started a lot of fights – but I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn’t finish a lot of them.

How do you make an egg laugh? Tell it a yolk.

A drunk was in the front of a judge; the judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “Let’s get started then.”

Who invented high heels? A woman who always got kissed on the forehead.

Do witches run spell checks?????

What do you get if you mix a chicken with a cement mixer? A bricklayer

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Huge holes all over Australia

Hedgehogs; why can’t they just share the hedge?

What would you call a country if everyone lived in his or her cars? An incarnation

What has six eyes but can’t see? Three blind mice

Where do fortune tellers dance? At the crystal ball

What did the sailor find in the ship’s toilet? The captain’s log

What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilene

What do you get if you cross a stream and a river? Wet feet

Why did Santa’s little helper feel depressed? He had low elf esteem

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 67 years old. She is now 93 and we can’t find her anywhere.

What’s round and has a bad temper? A vicious circle

What’s green and loud? A froghorn

What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.

Did you hear about the new ‘Divorce Barbie’? She comes with all Ken’s stuff.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting at your front door? Matt

What is a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other “Funny, I smell carrots …

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until they speak.

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Ferrari with a coat hanger: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked.” “Well hurry up, it’s starting to rain and the top is down.”

What do you call a song sung in an automobile? A cartoon

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? It’s time to go to sweep.

What is it called when one blonde blows in another blonde’s ear? Data transfer

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer

What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure

Why are fish so smart?  Because they live in schools.

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.

Why is a fish easy to weigh? Because it has its own scales.

Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.

How do bees get to school? By school buzz

Why do the French like to eat snails? Because they don’t like fast food.

Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke? Because it might crack up.

Waiter, will my pizza be long? No sir, it will be round.

What do elves make sandwiches with? Shortbread

How does the Easter Bunny stay in shape? Lots of eggercise

What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website

Why did the computer keep sneezing? It had a virus.

What do you get when you cross a computer and a lifeguard? A screensaver

What type of music are balloons scared of? Pop music

What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can’t tuna fish.

Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick

What do you call a pig that plays basketball? A ball hog

How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards

What bird can lift the most? A crane

What country makes you shiver? Chile

What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.

What did the rug say to the floor? Don’t move, I’ve got you covered.

What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter Rabbit? Bugs Bunny